Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
