I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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