Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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