I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
