"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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