Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
