Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
