You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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