You really coming over, don't trick.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Shame - the story of my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
