at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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