Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
