It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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