Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
