Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
