Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
