Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
