Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
