I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
