Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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