Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
