So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
