I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
