I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We don't watch enough power rangers
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
