toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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