I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
