Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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