people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
