TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
