What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
