There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
