12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
