oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
