apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
