She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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