you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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