Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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