the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
