Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
FUCK WHALES
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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