your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
