Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
