There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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