pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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