Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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