Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
