i just had sex bonerless
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
