my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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