You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
In America we eat man semen.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
