Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
