it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
