Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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