i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
